Thursday, April 5, 2007

Fergie Wants You to Think She's Sexy

I'd like to start off by reminding everybody what year it is. This is a big theme for this topic. It's 2007. We're seven years into the time that everybody was supposed to have hovercars. By the way, still waiting on that one, science. Can we please take a day off from inventing new Hot Pocket breading textures to give that a go? We don't ask for much from you. We just want to drive in the air. Thanks.

The reason for emphasizing the year is simple. We've come to a point as a culture where the complexities of basic health needs, simple diseases, and hygiene have been medically solved and easily remedied. Basic concerns such as "How do I keep my ass from itching after I poop?" are a thing of the past. We now have the ability to focus on improving outward appearance, being healthy, fit, attractive. We appoint our most beautiful people as the spokespeople of humanity, granting them celebrity status, to allow them to take in fame and camera time so that they can reflect to the world just how impressive our species can be.

So what in the name of sweet sweeping Christ in a vacuum cleaner is the story behind Fergie? Did I miss a day of school, because I don't remember it ever, ever being okay to be ugly. In fact, a lot of school time in my heyday was spent ridiculing and harassing the ugliest kid in class until they either had an emotional breakdown or started having sex with everyone by the sixth grade. It was like Survivor before its time.

http://z.about.com/d/beauty/1/0/L/G/fergie.jpg

But someone help me connect the dots on this one. Fergie's by no means attractive. Yet, one of her main selling points in her solo vocal career is that she's "hot." So extremely hot in fact, that a derivative descriptor to the English word delicious was spawned to assist in encapsulating the extent to which Fergie is sexually desirable to the potent male in what can only be described as fergalicious.

Okay, so here's where I'm a little hazy. Fergie... is fucking disgusting. I don't care how much chocolate syrup you pour on a young version of Jennifer Coolidge, my penis is going to be March of the Penguins soft. Why are we not more pissed off? I thought the point of our shallow culture was to advance to the point of refinement where we could close the gates of opportunity on the ugly misshapen asses of physical inferiors. Instead, we seem to be regressing back to the days where (gasp) looks didn't really matter, thanks in large part to wall-to-wall music video blocks featuring this Fergie bitch pulling a Dakota Fanning on pop music.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/media/photo/2002-04/2679786.jpg
At the 1921 Miss America contest, you'd have been committed to a sanitarium for suggesting that someday the event would be masturbatable.

Where are we going with this? Do we want to end up back at the 1921 Miss America contest? Is that what we want? Do I even need to show the photo of the girl that actually won this brown paper bag festival? I thought we had finally discovered through our ever-growing human wisdom that moving penis = marketability. This Fergie/Dakota shit is an indictment on the male consumer, and I will not stand flaccidly by. So please, celebrity gatekeepers. Let's take out the trash. Either Fergie goes or we get hovercars. I'm not budging.

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU. if your blogs don't allow anonymous comments, you'd probably get more about how awesome your rants are. keep writing. i stumbled you a thumbsup.

Anonymous said...

Fergie is actually hot - damn hot in my eyes...

Just because she doesnt look like all the other "off the press" girls out there, does not mean she is not HOT

Everyone is different - this is what you have forgotten. Do you like Vegemite....or Peanut Butter? Some LOVE it, some HATE it... see my point?

Anonymous said...

i just wanna say your a fuckin dumbass. id like to see you post a pic of yourself next to Fergie then il tel you whos fucking disgusting, and one to a million chances itd be you, your probably just some fatass computer geek that was picked on and made fun of in school and now you wanna get back at someone. Try this for a change... get a life! and stop being a dick... not that you have one

Anonymous said...

Umm are you gay?

Samantha♥Fukuhina said...

She is probably one of the most hideous human beings I've ever laid eyes on. She looks like one of those troll dolls from the 80s. With the jewels in their bellies. Yeah.
She's just disgusting.
And her starting fights with critics makes her a worthless human being too. She's a predatory bitch AND fugly.
She just has no redeeming qualities to justify her fame or existence.
Mystifying.

Anonymous said...

fergies fucking hot i love her!!! and i agree with the person who said ur probly just some computor geek with no life and i bet your 100 times fuglier than fergie in a heartbeat. get a life.

Anonymous said...

dating sites for shaggers [url=http://loveepicentre.com/]free dating personals[/url] dating mature women http://loveepicentre.com/ speed dating and singles partys in london

Anonymous said...

kidney transplant anti rejection drugs [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/singulair.htm]singulair[/url] video genetic disorder http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/tofranil.htm vsi smoking models http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/hypnotherapie.htm
health plans add a url [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/terramycin.htm]terramycin[/url] smoke on the water guitar music [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/phosphatidylserine.htm]blood for blood[/url]

Anonymous said...

brown betty tea pot [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/lamictal.htm]lamictal[/url] signs symptoms of bipolar disorder http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/abana.htm cocaine smoking black spoons http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/provigrax.htm
puke when i smoke [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/general-de-salud.htm]general de salud[/url] london international health insurance quotes [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/prazosin.htm]staph infection or pimple[/url]

Anonymous said...

volkswagen regina sask http://automotoportal.in/peugeot/peugeot-307-2002-manual interstate automobile batteries
[url=http://automotoportal.in/mini-car/mini-dv-tape-review]volkswagen polo manual[/url] united automobile insurance texas [url=http://automotoportal.in/maserati/maserati-dealer-chicago]maserati dealer chicago[/url]
auto model repair record http://automotoportal.in/skoda/skoda-octavia-review
[url=http://automotoportal.in/motorcycle-show]volkswagen mexico[/url] mercedes benz 2003 ml value [url=http://automotoportal.in/lincoln/value-of-lincoln-continental]value of lincoln continental[/url]
crimestopper auto start http://automotoportal.in/pontiac/laura-buick-pontiac-gmc
[url=http://automotoportal.in/lancia/lancia-club]how to replace an ignition switch in 1985 mercedes 300 td[/url] mercedes benz e270cdi [url=http://automotoportal.in/scooter/lance-vintage-scooter]lance vintage scooter[/url]

Anonymous said...

light wieght travel pants http://greatadventures.in/adventure/cypress-gardens-adventure-park-winter-haven-fl macys travel toiletry bags
[url=http://greatadventures.in/inn/country-inn-brazil]ask a travel agent[/url] compare worldwide travel insurance [url=http://greatadventures.in/hotel/hotel-near-disney-world]hotel near disney world[/url]
travel healthcare postions http://greatadventures.in/inn/roadway-inn-martinsburg-wv
[url=http://greatadventures.in/flight/flight-miniatures-united-747-400]backpacks for travel[/url] car travel in italy [url=http://greatadventures.in/vacation-packages/fairmont-orchid-vacation-package]fairmont orchid vacation package[/url]
euorpean travel http://greatadventures.in/vacation-packages/st-martins-vacation-package-toronto cheap air travel europe [url=http://greatadventures.in/map/kansas-zipcode-map]kansas zipcode map[/url]

Anonymous said...

space a travel ramstein to mildenhall http://wikitravel.in/cruise/lds-singles-cruise-carnival-glory travel apartments pisa
[url=http://wikitravel.in/expedia/expedia-air-travel-discount-airfare]microwaveable travel coffee cups[/url] inoculations recommended for travel to phillipines [url=http://wikitravel.in/maps/sanborn-fire-insurance-company-maps]sanborn fire insurance company maps[/url]
opperman lee travel http://wikitravel.in/airline/airline-usa
[url=http://wikitravel.in/tours/advneture-photo-tours-las-vegas]pcs and goverment travel card[/url] luxury discount travel world cruise [url=http://wikitravel.in/motel/motel-hotel-cocoa]motel hotel cocoa[/url]
west coast family travel http://wikitravel.in/flight/northwest-airlines-flight-attendent travel travel family [url=http://wikitravel.in/disneyland/disneyland-club-33-entrance]disneyland club 33 entrance[/url]

Anonymous said...

kids clothes catalogs http://topcitystyle.com/?action=products&product_id=1948 fashion myspace graphics [url=http://topcitystyle.com/navy-blue-white-dolce-amp-gabbana-color124.html]etigee fashion[/url] talbot clothes
http://topcitystyle.com/xl-sweater-size6.html nike soccer shoes [url=http://topcitystyle.com/jeans-men-category14.html]single dress clothes[/url]

Anonymous said...

hover mobile http://www.orderphonetoday.com/t737b-quad-band-dual-card-with-wifi-analog-tv--item100.html java software mobile phones [url=http://www.orderphonetoday.com/m001-quad-band-dual-card-with-wifi-analog-tv--item14.html]mobile google maps gps not moving[/url] free t mobile refill card nokia 5300

Anonymous said...

siai medical [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/sinemet.htm]sinemet[/url] zyrtec for itching http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/vitamin-a-and-d.htm
online consultation prescription [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/prednisone.htm]prednisone[/url] loop plaza pharmacy [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/anti-hongos.htm ]are dental implants safe [/url] west jefferson medical center merrero la
how to make the lemonade diet [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/viagra.htm]viagra[/url] financial help fro breast cancer patient http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/x.htm
shop east west prescription [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/antibiotika.htm]antibiotika[/url] bumps penis [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/prandin.htm ]trump medical supplies clemens ferry rd [/url] key gaskell syndrome

Anonymous said...

emergency medical technician job description [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/altace.htm]altace[/url] exercise and diet effect to student http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/anti-pilz.htm
pain and pain medicine [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/kamasutra-superthin-condoms.htm]kamasutra superthin condoms[/url] drug test limits [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/erection-packs.htm ]ez diet plate [/url] cortlandt regional medical center
bilateral decor vein release [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/provera.htm]provera[/url] diet weithloss http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/d.htm
high blood pressure sleeping [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/parlodel.htm]parlodel[/url] diet fast loss teen weight [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/zofran.htm ]muscle building exercises for elderly [/url] pay wages for dental hygenist in chattanooga tennessee

Anonymous said...

http://xpv.in/dosage/iron-supplements-women-dosage
[url=http://xpv.in/dosage/amoxicillan-dosage-for-cat]moran drug heroin death[/url] the drug war with barack obama [url=http://xpv.in/reglan/lethal-dose-of-reglan]lethal dose of reglan[/url]
pharmacy and technology journal http://xpv.in/amiodarone/amiodarone-and-dimentia
[url=http://xpv.in/cipro/manufacturer-cipro]pharmacy tech opening deaconess hospital oklahoma city[/url] exam for the certification of pharmacy tech [url=http://xpv.in/domperidone/domperidone-melate]domperidone melate[/url]
chinese medicine and diet http://xpv.in/anafranil/does-anafranil-cause-liver-problems
[url=http://xpv.in/ceftin/ceftin-for-urinary-tract-infection]home remedies to pass drug test for cocaine[/url] express drugs [url=http://xpv.in/amoxicillin/amoxicillin-directions-for-use]amoxicillin directions for use[/url] health andtime management neil bolton [url=http://xpv.in/pyridium/safeway-pharmacy-british-columbia-phenazo-pyridium]safeway pharmacy british columbia phenazo pyridium[/url]

Anonymous said...

singapore airlines playing cards http://wqm.in/online-casinos_vegas-casinos-with-highest-payout gambling addiction treatment west virginia
[url=http://wqm.in/online-casinos_casinos-in-buffalo-ny]homade lottery[/url] download the casino royale soundtrack for free [url=http://wqm.in/jackpot_online-jackpot]online jackpot[/url]
john rumble gambling http://wqm.in/roulette_online-game-bonuses-free-internet-roulette
[url=http://wqm.in/jokers_showtime-a-pair-of-jokers]wheeling casino dog racing[/url] ipod blackjack [url=http://wqm.in/joker_insane-clown-posse-joker-cards]insane clown posse joker cards[/url]
why gambling is popular http://wqm.in/roulette_gambling-roulette-internet-gambling australian lottery inc [url=http://wqm.in/slot_define-transflash-slot-on-6800]define transflash slot on 6800[/url]

Anonymous said...

online sports betting system http://lwv.in/jokers/free-jokers-wild-poker san juan casinos
[url=http://lwv.in/lottery/lottery-wheels-magazines]casino copan in honduras[/url] video keno shareware free trial download [url=http://lwv.in/poker-online/daily-star-poker]daily star poker[/url]
gambling in seneca mo http://lwv.in/lottery/lottery-for-ct
[url=http://lwv.in/casino-playing-cards/wynn-playing-cards]markt lottery[/url] the lottery analysis [url=http://lwv.in/baccarat/baccarat-crystal-heart]baccarat crystal heart[/url]
iron cross betting tactic http://lwv.in/lottery/florida-lottery-for-toninght dangostar lottery promotion [url=http://lwv.in/gambling-online/gambling-island-hong-kong]gambling island hong kong[/url]

Anonymous said...

I believe Fergie is attractive and many actresses from hollywood are too, only because they are famous, they are seem like role models to many others. Actually we can find the real inner beauty into any women. I personally rather have a normal good looking women, faitful, honest, loving person, than a famous pretty face woman, slut and money keeper, waiting for the moment to get away with anything they want. Fergie can be pretty but i bet you she doesnt have what many others may and this can be real love and sincere loyalty. Screw the outside beauty, i dont care how sexy this woman can be, but if she is a cocksucker slut, that all she cares is money then where is the role model, where are the real women in this world? are they looking for love, attention, fame?.

Anonymous said...

This specific place saved me $487 for the year! They are really an internet based specialist and they are kind, caring, along with take excellent care of the clientele. Most importantly for me, they answer to emails and answer phone calls with humans.

Anonymous said...

qcz m oat e, xxx. okg o, wyo ppbtej! xtax w wbw xj.

Anonymous said...

clomid day 2 | clomid price walmart - clomid tablets for sale, clomid ovarian cancer

Anonymous said...

best time to take clomid | clomid tablet - clomid buy, clomid and fsh

Anonymous said...

sporting sporting olympic romances equestrian dating http://loveepicentre.com/articles.php mif dating

Anonymous said...

fast payday loans online http://2applyforcash.com Advotly payday loans online HalBaguefrusags [url=http://www.2applyforcash.com/]Online Payday Loans No Fax[/url] instant payday loans online This is feel, should be decided after collaboration with the local communities.

Anonymous said...

daniel silva rembrandt affair ebook torrent http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/es/Einfuehrung-in-die-moderne-Matrix-Algebra/p100730/ learning corel painter ix ebook [url=http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/it/Nutrition-For-Dummies/p174826/]the problem of pain ebook[/url] c by balagurusamy ebook

Anonymous said...

onenote 2007 ebook http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/es/AI-Game-Engine-Programming-Game-Development-Series/p214088/ ebook cover design software [url=http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/Easy-to-Make-Furniture/p182132/]your unix the ultimate guide ebook[/url] psychological secrets ebook

Anonymous said...

free dean koontz ebook http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/it/contact/ ebook master resale right [url=http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/From-Reaction-to-Cognition-5th-European-Workshop-on-Modelling-Autonomous-Agents-in-a-Multi-Agent-World-MAAMAW-93-Neuchatel-Switzerland-August/p191838/]listening in a loud world ebook[/url] how to make a lit ebook

Anonymous said...

free download sex for one ebook http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/authors/?letter=Wy&page=3 ebook cataloge outdoor photographer magazine ebook rapidhsare weight loss ebook

Anonymous said...

free ebook downloads mythology http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/Serge-Nicaise/m115729/ ebook editor freeware [url=http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/The-Photoshop-Book-for-Digital-Photographers/p146048/]ebook page trurning software[/url] continental math league 6 ebook
[url=http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/de/Be-The-Pack-Leader/p17327/][img]http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/image/8.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

weight watchers companion guide ebook http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/R-G-T-Wade/m103557/ george langelaan the fly ebook [url=http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/de/William-J-O-Brien/m132576/]ebook reader je200[/url] rca reb 1200 ebook reader
[url=http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/G-F/m40310/][img]http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/image/2.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

sexy mac software http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/es/category-10/Internet?page=5 acer aspire 3690 software bundle arcade [url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/es/product-37293/TweakNow-RegCleaner-Pro-4-6-Portable]wordart software programs[/url] billing computer medical software service
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/fr/category-100-114/Autres]Autres - Software Store[/url] gps handheld software garmin
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/product-10887/ClickBook-v10][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/4.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

glenn abbey software inc http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/fr/category-100-111/Outils-de-syst-me?page=2 sheet metal cost estimating software [url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/it/product-16069/Microsoft-Office-2008-Mac]suse 10 3 cad software[/url] yamaha s-yxg50 software
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/product-33469/DigitalAnarchy-ToonIt-2-51-for-Photoshop-CS3-x64]DigitalAnarchy ToonIt 2.51 for Photoshop CS3 x64 - Software Store[/url] best pc video editing software hardware
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/de/product-35647/Braincell-GmbH-Protectorion-1-0-Deutsch][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/6.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

buy valium buy valium online cheap uk - valium pills sale

Anonymous said...

purchase ativan ativan dosage 0.25 mg - ativan used drug withdrawal

Anonymous said...

oZzy moved away earlier, I miss his cock, for always hungry for making love.


FUCK MY PUSSY!

My site - hcg injections

Anonymous said...

[url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/starlix.htm][img]http://onlinemedistore.com/7.jpg[/img][/url]
california pharmacy board e pedigree implementation http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/avapro.htm pharmacy info [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/amitriptyline.htm]pcs pharmacy providers[/url]
online cheap pharmacy http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/fosamax.htm pharmacy floorplans [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/indinavir.htm]indinavir[/url]
napa valley pharmacy http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/sublingual-cialis.htm generic viagra uk online pharmacy [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/eriacta.htm]us pharmacy cialis[/url]
pharmacare pharmacy 99862 http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/catalogue/c.htm cvs pharmacy los angeles [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/detrol.htm]detrol[/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/cialis-super-active-plus.htm][img]http://onlinemedistore.com/4.jpg[/img][/url]
pharmacy rx http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/categories/cardiovascular.htm pharmacy technician certificate program ma [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/ophthacare.htm]doctorate pharmacy online training[/url]
pharmacy mexico http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/kamasutra-intensity-condoms.htm oreillys pharmacy clonmel [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/serophene.htm]serophene[/url]
frontier pharmacy http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/hard-on.htm pharmacy no prescription [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/purim.htm]jackson memorial hospital residency pharmacy miami[/url]
walmart pharmacy generics http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/tegretol.htm definition closed door pharmacy [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/zanaflex.htm]zanaflex[/url]

Anonymous said...

springfield oregon dating site http://loveepicentre.com/faq/ face to chat space dating
blake shelton dating drugs [url=http://loveepicentre.com]randy caserta dating personal[/url] oklahoma laws for dating minors
adult sex dating sites review [url=http://loveepicentre.com/articles/]christiian dating[/url] pattern dating chart [url=http://loveepicentre.com/user/michelle_2luv/]michelle_2luv[/url] quest phone dating